When I was in Infant School, I wanted to be The
Godfather.
Not literally, because I
didn’t know what that meant. But I
wanted to drink whisky, play poker and own The Money and have people grovelling
for some of it, and I wanted to just make a hand movement to The Associates when
I wanted someone removed.
What Infant School was really like:
When I was in Junior School, I wanted to be a rock
star.
Again not literally, as I had zero
interest in music, but I wanted to be cool like Marty McFly and he was cool
because he played The Guitar. I idolised
anyone with a guitar, Marty McFly, Dave Lister, Alvin Chipmunk, anyone. I wanted to play The Guitar, make quips, have
groupies.
What Junior School was really like:
When I was in Senior School, I wanted to be a 45-year-old
librarian.
Well, maybe not literally,
but I was convinced I was displaced in time, because my tastes in music, books
and films were all things people would place the word ‘classic’ in front of and
nobody my age had heard of, and I really fancied Rupert Giles, who was about
thirty years older than me and the idea of wearing a tweed jacket, sitting in a
musty library and making acerbic comments about teenagers sounded a lot more
appealing than being at school.
What Senior School was really like:
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It was months before I worked out ‘Boff’ was short for
‘Boffin’ which didn’t help much because I didn’t know what ‘Boffin’ meant.
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How I coped with Infant School:
While I apparently lacked The Godfather power I craved and was painfully lonely now The Friend wouldn't play Invisible Man with me any more, I discovered I could surround myself with willing, servile associates after all.
I hung out with The Boys instead.
How I coped with Junior
School:
Although I lacked The Rock Star fame I rather fancied and found that groupies probably wouldn't work out so well since I didn't like other children, I did discover I could lead The Privileged/Alternative Life of getting to do what I wanted and avoid kids at the same time.
I got out of lessons by running errands for The Teachers
instead.
How I coped with Senior
School:
Being my 'middle-aged librarian' self seemed to distance me from others my age and speaking up in class got me mocked (regardless of why I was speaking - it was the desire to learn that was offensive, not actually having knowledge or understanding it), until I discovered a wonderful place where I could be whoever the hell I wanted to be and the louder I spoke up the more attention I got, and acerbic wit was a must.
I joined The Drama Club.