Wednesday, 3 July 2013

School Dreams


When I was in Infant School, I wanted to be The Godfather.   

Not literally, because I didn’t know what that meant.  But I wanted to drink whisky, play poker and own The Money and have people grovelling for some of it, and I wanted to just make a hand movement to The Associates when I wanted someone removed.


What Infant School was really like:

 
When I was in Junior School, I wanted to be a rock star.  

Again not literally, as I had zero interest in music, but I wanted to be cool like Marty McFly and he was cool because he played The Guitar.  I idolised anyone with a guitar, Marty McFly, Dave Lister, Alvin Chipmunk, anyone.  I wanted to play The Guitar, make quips, have groupies.

What Junior School was really like:

 
When I was in Senior School, I wanted to be a 45-year-old librarian.  

Well, maybe not literally, but I was convinced I was displaced in time, because my tastes in music, books and films were all things people would place the word ‘classic’ in front of and nobody my age had heard of, and I really fancied Rupert Giles, who was about thirty years older than me and the idea of wearing a tweed jacket, sitting in a musty library and making acerbic comments about teenagers sounded a lot more appealing than being at school.

What Senior School was really like:


It was months before I worked out ‘Boff’ was short for ‘Boffin’ which didn’t help much because I didn’t know what ‘Boffin’ meant.

 



How I coped with Infant School:

While I apparently lacked The Godfather power I craved and was painfully lonely now The Friend wouldn't play Invisible Man with me any more, I discovered I could surround myself with willing, servile associates after all.

I hung out with The Boys instead.


How I coped with Junior School:

Although I lacked The Rock Star fame I rather fancied and found that groupies probably wouldn't work out so well since I didn't like other children, I did discover I could lead The Privileged/Alternative Life of getting to do what I wanted and avoid kids at the same time.

I got out of lessons by running errands for The Teachers instead.

How I coped with Senior School:

Being my 'middle-aged librarian' self seemed to distance me from others my age and speaking up in class got me mocked (regardless of why I was speaking - it was the desire to learn that was offensive, not actually having knowledge or understanding it), until I discovered a wonderful place where I could be whoever the hell I wanted to be and the louder I spoke up the more attention I got, and acerbic wit was a must.
I joined The Drama Club.

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