Sunday, 12 May 2013

The Bears

A while ago, I was going to write a post about the two teddy bears in The Living Room, Disgruntled Bear and Hide The Silverware Bear.

They add their own angle to every situation, because Disgruntled Bear is disgruntled by it and Hide The Silverware Bear has some sly take.  They make The Living Room a much more amusing place.

But these two bears no longer live in The Living Room because of The Lodger.  They have moved into my bedroom, along with about a thousand other things I own.

And it is here that I notice several other bears peering at me.  I am in a constant state of lessening items I own.  I have too much stuff and am always streamlining it.  So why is the teddy bear population actually increasing?  Where did they all come from?

My favourite toy when I was a kid was Bobby Badger.  I got him for my third birthday.
But who was my favourite toy before I was three?

Let’s look at that picture again.

This is Letterbox Bear, Bobby’s brother or whatever (they’re from the same series of toys).  I got him for Christmas the year before.  He was my go-to-guy before I turned three.
For nine months or so, he was king.  Then he was usurped.  This never bothered me because he was my second favourite toy, he still got to sit at the top of my bed and he and Bobby are bestest friends.  Then someone had to go and make Toy Story and give me guilt.

It’s a subtle guilt but a nagging guilt that didn’t surface until I grew up, which makes me susceptible to MUST-ADOPT-TEDDY-BEAR fever, even though I’m an adult so won’t play with them and there’s no room in the house.

The only teddy bear I have left from childhood (and I mean specifically bears) is
Letterbox Bear
and from my teenhood
Hedley (who actually looks more like a water vole or beaver)
I got Hedley at the Millennium Dome, so I have to keep him as he encapsulates a memory.  Mainly of my travelling companion saying she didn’t think I was the type of person who collected cuddly toys.  She also once said, after I simply reached the limit of ‘coping’ with bullying, that she didn’t think I was the type of person who cried.  So apparently she knew nothing about me.  He’s called Hedley after a character in a story I never finished writing.

But then came Free Meeeee Bear.
This was a free gift with some bulk package The Mother had bought, and every day for months I walked past this open box with this tiny bear stuck in a plastic bag, staring at me with its bulbous black eyes like a baby seal.
Finally, The Mother freed the bear and gave him to me.

O’Bialystock Bear
At university we took a magical trip to the Bear Factory.  The idea of making a bear from scratch sounded unbelievably exciting.  It really wasn’t.  First off, it’s creepy, second off (?) it was incredibly expensive and third off, it was too limited — I was obsessed with the idea of making a bear in a suit so he could be my CID Bear because I was currently obsessed with The Bill.  They didn’t have any outfits that fitted my purpose, so I gave up on making a bear.  However, as I left, I saw this little bridegroom bear, meant for wedding gifts.  And it struck me that if only he was wearing a Homburg rather than a top hat, he’d look an awful lot like Max Bialystock (I was also freshly obsessed with The Producers).
See?


I Don’t Have A Boyfriend Bear (aka ‘Romeo’ according to his label)
After one Valentine’s Day was long over, I came across a whole basket of these bears reduced to £1 each.  The idea that a bear designed to be given as a token of love had completely failed to catch anyone’s attention was sad, particularly to someone as painfully single as me.  I picked it up and its seductive powers started to work because it was so soft that my hand didn’t want to put it back.  How could I after showing it attention?
Look, he wears his heart on his sleeve!  Ahhahahahahahaha

Disgruntled Bear.
I met Disgruntled Bear when, presumably due to his expression, he was donated (abandoned) by his owners and put in a jumble sale.  He failed to catch anyone’s eye and was chucked at the end as one of those toys that will never get rehomed to continue his journey of no one wanting him.  And no one ever would with a face like that.  Because no matter what angle you look at him, no matter what he is doing, he always has the most off-puttingly disgruntled expression.

Knowing no one would ever love this bear, I rescued him and I can never give him up, because no one ever will want that angry, dissatisfied little bear.  And now he is free to be disgruntled by absolutely everything as much as he wants.  He has pride of place in The Living Room (or did, before The Lodger moved in).

Edmond The Explorer and Peter The Pilot
I went to a car boot sale with The Slayer and The Housemate one time.  It was a lot of fun and I’d like to do it again.  Hint hint.  The only thing I saw that piqued my interest was a whole table of the coolest teddy bears I had ever seen at only £2 each.

But I knew I already owned a lot of rubbish, so I left them.  However, at the end, I skirted back over just to see and the two that caught my eye were still there.  How could I not adopt these two?


Hide The Silverware Bear
So named because his expression is scheming, slightly sinister, with larcenous intent. 
 

 The Housemate bought it because the bear reminded him of me.


Take Me With You Bear

While on holiday, The Housemate was attempting to win a Dick Dastardly from a grabber machine.  He eventually ensnared the tricksy toy, and as Dastardly rose, clinging desperately to his feet was Take Me With You Bear.  So despite being a fairly cheap, bland toy, for his impressive dedication to escaping the machine, he has a home with us.

Oh, and there’s also Trapped In A Basket Bear


Letterbox and Bobby BFFs
1987-present

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Tortoise Sitting: Day 1

So far today, Teefa got stuck on a tiny wall and Harry rolled himself on to his back, so I had to rescue them.  Both incidents were caused by the same garden feature.  Hoping they have learnt their lesson to avoid it.  If it happens again, I’ll have to think of someway to block their access to it.

Teefa, shortly before getting stuck.

Also Harry went exploring under the bushes (looking for an escape?).  The holes in the fences are blocked up, but I lost sight of him in the undergrowth and had to poke around for ages until I located him wedged under a root.  Wasn’t sure if he was stuck.  The Housemate removed him from it just in case.  He went straight back in.  Guess he wasn’t stuck.

Harry basking.



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