Thursday, 6 September 2012

Before I Could Write – Part 6

It’s been a while, but here’s the next instalment in stories I wrote when I was an idiot.  Did I say idiot?  I meant child.

I wrote this lot when I was about eleven.

Self Portrait

At this age I was, I realise now, insufferable.  So good luck.

We were given the task to write a story called ‘The One Child Santa Forgot’.  For some reason I did this, then crossed out the entire story and wrote another one.

So you get to read BOTH!

The One Child Santa Forgot: 1

“You must, you really must, must, must it’s it’s er important it’s er CHRISTMAS DAY!” shouted Santa to his reindeer. 

“Sorry Santy but we’re all sick, Dancer, Vixen well all of them er us have gone home” replied Prancer his most faithful reindeer. 

“Well, I’ll have to do my rounds with just one reindeer and maybe a couple of horses.” 

“But horses can’t fly,” protested Prancer. 

“Neither can reindeer, it’s the magic dust that does it,” said Santa “Oh and never call me Santy, start talking with a but or call me Santy and start talking with a but.” 

“Thanks,” said Prancer sarcastically. 

“Stop that now and go and get the magic dust from Brandy the, the er gulp you know,” said Santa nervously. 

So Prancer set off in search of Brandy the magic but dangerous horse.

Far away in London an 11 year old girl called Sean picked up a doll named Jane and a toy badger called Bobby that she had found in a bin, scooped up her home and walked down the street.  Yes you’ve guessed it she’s a stray or as you and I call it a homeless, hopeless child.  She saw a small doorway and settled down for the night but somehow she couldn’t sleep.  For Christmas she had written:

To The Imp

Please can I have
a companion, a home,
a family and a present:
surprise please,
from S.S
Stray Sean :-)

Now for one thing Santa didn’t like being called the imp and also he didn’t know where Sean lived and Prancer had only just arrived with some magic dust.

So Santa climbed into his sledge and tied on some horses with Prancer at the lead, and sprinkled the magic dust over the horses and away he went.

All the year round the sacks were kept in the damp cellar where all the mice lived and sometimes one would crawl in one of the sacks.  Yes, you’ve got it one little mouse was in there now and as Santa flew over the doorway where Sean was sleeping it fell out.

Santa had completely forgotten Sean and didn’t notice a little mouse fall out.

The mouse landed in Sean’s lap, waking her.  She looked down and saw the mouse, who scampered away, back home.  Sean chased him all the way home and sat down in Santa’s cellar.

Suddenly the door opened and Santa looked down at her.  As soon as he saw her he invited her in and she had all the presents she wanted.  She had a companion, the little mouse, a home, she lived in Santa’s house, a family, Santa’s family and a surprise present, nothing?

She had everything she wanted except a surprise present, but she didn’t mind, I mean who would, if you had been a homeless child and then suddenly you had a home?

Even though Sean was forgotten she wasn’t in the end, was she?

The One Child Santa Forgot: 2

Sean sat on a step looking down the street, she was a homeless child and every day she went to look in at a window of a rich family.  In this house a girl named Mary looked out of her window at Sean and laughed.

She looked at her calendar, it said 24th December.  Mary wrote to Santa:

Bring Me a, or should I say some, toys – most expensive ones for they are the best, computers – three and two CD rom computers… 

Well I won’t go through them all, but as you can see she was not a nice child.

Sean’s list was like this:

Please can I have a family and a Bible.

Mary looked at Sean from her window and said “Look at her, she’s free I’m not, I have to eat pudding, chocolate that is all the time and I get everything I want.”

“Well you don’t have to have anything,” said her mother. 

“What do you mean I can’t have anything, I hate you,” shouted Mary.

“I didn’t mean that sweetie,” said her mother. 

“Then say what you mean,” screamed Mary.

Far away in Scotland Santa finished his holiday and started back for the North Pole.  As soon as he got there seals came out with hopeful eyes, his cat jumped up at the window, his reindeer came out with bells for the tree, his pet robin fluttered to a branch near him, his mother came out, Shelly his sister and Amy his niece ran out followed by his elves holding their stockings up.  Only one person didn’t come, “Where’s Swades,” shouted Santa.

Swades had been found in a sewer and didn’t talk properly.  He had big eyes, a small left hand and long arms.

Santa was angry that Swades hadn’t come to meet him so went to sort him out.

“Wat ya won, ma don won ya.  Ma won ya ta ga way,” he mumbled.

“What?” asked Santa.

“He said what do you want, me er I mean I don’t want you.  I want you to go away,” said Teas Santa’s wife who had been asleep.

Santa was about to hit Swades when he sneezed.

“Oh you’ve got a cold, Swades will have to go instead of you,” said Santa’s mum.

“But he’s a child and he’s ugly and…” his mum cut him off “To bed,” she cried.

Swades set out and by the time the first present was delivered it was Boxing Day.

Back at Santa’s house Santa had forgotten Swades.

At 1.45 am on the day after Boxing Day Swades returned but they had forgotten him.  So he climbed back into the sledge and noticed a present not delivered so off he went again and somehow got himself tangled up in one of the sacks and fell down the chimney of Mary with the other present.

Mary grabbed the first present only to find it was a Bible, so she chucked it through the window where it landed at Sean’s feet, Sean picked it up said thank you and skipped off.

Mary ripped open the second present and there was Swades, a big grin spread across his face as Mary looked at her companion and friend for life.

So it’s a happy ending for Swades, a sort of happy ending for Sean and an unhappy ending for Mary.

Oh and I suppose you want to know who Santa forgot?  Swades of course.  Still now he’s living with Mary and even though Santa has forgotten him, he’s still got all Mary’s presents to share hasn’t he?


I'm not sure which version is worse.  Also, clearly ripped off from Santa Claus: The Movie.

And finally, here’s a ‘poem’ I wrote at the same age (of which I was incredibly proud):


I Am Just One Person

I am just one person.
One little measly person,
in one little useless country,
in one little pointless world,
in one little eeny-weeny galaxy,
among a thousand million billion galaxies.
I and you and we are nothing,
In my head and your head and our heads,
We are everything.

As you walk along, you think,
I could stop them cutting down that rainforest,
I could stop them killing those endangered animals,
I could stop them killing those innocent lives,
I could stop that racism, that sexism, that ageism,
I could stop that homelessness, that disability, that cruelty.
I could stop it.
You and I and us,
We can’t.

So maybe you could, just maybe,
be famous,
be an actor,
be a singer,
be a politician,
be a celebrity.
You and they and I,

We will end up, behind a counter in a shop,
behind some bars in a prison,
behind nothing but a cardboard box on the street,
or you will end up like me,
writing a poem, on how,
I am just one person,
one little measly person,
in one little useless country,
in one little pointless world,
in one little eeny-weeny galaxy,
among a thousand million billion galaxies.
So don’t listen to your head.

Listen to me.

Don’t think,

Did I say insufferable?  I meant INSUFFERABLE.

On the other hand, I recall that I wrote a poem that won a competition and I got to plant a tree!  I have a feeling I found out later that no one else entered the competition and it was a default kind of thing, but it may have been this poem, and planting a tree is pretty awesome.

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