Wednesday, 23 May 2012

Tomorrow

I have a cold.  I seem to be mostly over it, except that when I go to sleep I keep waking up because I stop breathing.  My head has become a sludge sandwich.  And in this muscusy (?) mucoid (?) mucous (?) mucinous (?) state, the thing that The Mind has chosen to dwell on is the Avengers.

I couldn’t be bothered to watch Captain America or Thor before I saw Avengers Assemble because they sounded boring (heck, I only went to see the Avengers because I was trying to annoy The Housemate).  In hindsight though, I do wonder if they would have explained any of the plot holes.  I bet not, but since I don’t know, I’m inclined to give the benefit of the doubt. 

I’m always giving things the benefit of the doubt.  I’m nice like that.



But I’m beginning to think I need more than benefited doubt to understand the Avengers.  When there’s a big flashing spectacle in front of you, you don’t necessarily, uh, think.  But I have this cold and I haven’t been able to think about much else.  And I keep remembering bits I didn’t understand.

(Skip past these bullets if you wish to avoid spoilers...)
  • Why does evil alien Wesley even need Loki?
  • Why does Hawkeye know that blue thing is a portal?
  • What’s with the bit where Loki has a bit of a sit down and is suddenly on that space rock getting touched by evil alien Wesley and having a cry?
  • Who thought the line ‘We need a plan of attack’ ‘I have a plan.  Attack’ should make it into the final cut?
  • Why does Thor try to murder Iron Man and Captain America in that dumb-ass fight scene?
  • What’s the point designing a glass prison that only works by logical rationalisation with the prisoner (don’t smash the glass or you’ll fall) for the Hulk?
  • What’s the point designing a prison that smashes you to oblivion if the only people you put in it are invincible?
  • Was Loki using the ‘Q-word’ supposed to be threatening and not hilarious?
  • What the hell is Loki’s plan regarding getting captured – does he even need to be on Cloud Base for it to happen, or is he just trying to make the best out of a bad situation because he was dumb enough to get caught and he thinks standing in a glass prison somehow makes him akin to Hannibal Lecter?
  • Why does Bruce pick up the magic staff during the argument scene?
  • How did Thor not see Loki coming up behind Agent Coulson?
  • What’s with the bit where Thor reaches for his mallet and it doesn’t move, since next time we see him, everything is fine?
  • How did that old guy know the Hulk would shrink to normal size?
  • How does Iron Man manage not to burn the faces off those people he nearly falls on?
  • How bad is it that Iron Man’s computer Paul Bettany is a more interesting character than Captain America and Thor put together?
  • How can the Hulk tell allies from enemies at the end when he couldn’t earlier on?
  • Since the lightning bottleneck idea works so well, why does Thor just stop doing it?
  • Do all Hawkeye’s arrows each do all the zillion different things he uses them for throughout the film or is each one specific, in which case, how incredibly lucky is it that the last one he fires happens to be a grappling hook, allowing him to grab it back and escape an explosion?
  • How come scientist guy made a failsafe while he was hypnotised?
  • How did he manage to put it in the magic staff since Loki always had it on him?
  • Is it okay to murder a race of aliens if they look all gross and don’t have any lines?
  • And since they all drop dead as soon as the mothership gets blown up, does that mean they are actually robots or clones or something, definitely making it okay to kill them all?
  • Why aren’t after-credit sequences actually after the credits any more?
  • Who the hell is that guy?  (It’s Thanos.)  Oh.  Who the hell is that guy?
  • Phil’s going to get better, right?
  • And much, much more!
At least if I had watched Thor first, it would have explained who the hell Thor and Loki were.  I’m not even sure if they have superpowers.

  



And what’s with Loki’s hat? 

Why does it vanish and reappear?  Is it a hologram/decoy thing?  Does it teleport?  Can he teleport? 

Ugh, I know.  I’ll have to watch Thor and then I’ll have to watch the Avengers again.  Money-making jerks.

  

Stupid cold, giving me a stupid one-track mind.  I can’t believe I’m ill so soon after having been ill.  Okay, this time it is only a cold, but I never get colds.  Only when The Housemate brings germs into the house. 



But he appears to be perfectly healthy.


As part of The Bid To Read Every Book I Own To Make Some Space By Only Keeping The Good Ones, I’ve been reading Schott’s Almanac 2008.  I have flicked through it before, but this time I’m actually sitting down and reading it from cover to cover because it’s ‘written to be read’.  Because stats are so interesting and opinion polls so accurate.

  

But there is a diagram in there on how to wash your hands properly, so I have started washing The Hands in a more elaborate fashion.  And now I catch a cold?  Am I washing the germs off so thoroughly that they become airborne and go for the throat?  That must be it.  There was a situation at the start of the week



 but I can’t see why that’s relevant.

(That Grape)

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