Saturday, 5 May 2012

The 'Me Not Feel Well' Post

I have been ill this week and so haven’t been able to achieve much at all.

Every time I have tried to do important work on the computer or contact someone,
this happened:

or when I tried to do less important work on the computer,
this happened:

or when I tried to cook some food,
this happened:

It would all have been fine if The Housemate had been around to tend to me in The Sickness and let people know I was out of it, and make sure I had blankets and bring me soup, and that sort of thing…

Okay not the soup...

But NO.  The Housemate was out having his own life while I was left alone and disorientated with nothing to do but sleep and read Gaston Leroux’s The Phantom Of The Opera.

So, things I would have posted this week if The Internal Organs hadn’t been melting:

1. The Housemate recently read one of The Posts (Before I Could Write - Part 3) and started laughing.

Because this:

is apparently the worst drawing he has ever seen and I couldn’t possibly have drawn it when I was eight years old as it is clearly the poor work of a four-year-old on an off day.

To which my response is, no, I’m pretty sure this is what I could draw when I was four:

Self Portrait

Why does that not make me feel better?

2. I recently went to the pub to see The Stantz on his birthday.  At the same time, in the same pub, a small child was celebrating their birthday.  I know this because there were lots of screaming toddlers everywhere, they very loudly sang Happy Birthday completely overshadowing our quiet meal in their smug ‘we’re still children and get to have fun all the time’ way, and because when they crocodiled past us, they were dressed like this:

Both the police officer and Superman were kindly escorting grown ups by the hand, which was very heroic and noble of them.  Buzz Lightyear went on the claw machine, which meant everyone in the pub, in turn, made a joke about Buzz using the Claw.  I don’t know if there were prizes for the best costume, but I’d like to award some myself.

3rd Prize goes to:

Leopard Boy

for showing some imagination and being the only child not dressed as a film character or occupation in the emergency services/armed forces.

2nd Prize goes to:

Gruffalo Girl

for not conforming to gender stereotypes and being the ONLY girl there not dressed as a Disney Princess.

And 1st Prize goes to:

Cowboy Hat Boy

because his entire costume was the fact that he was wearing a hat.

The next scene followed The Housemate getting in from outside and seeing my drawing of the children at the costume party:

I would now like to point out that the above drawing is a LIE and the words of a tiny person are just as hurtful as the words of a giant person as I can quite clearly remember being driven to tears by a tiny boy when I was in Infant or Junior School.  I admit that I simply drew the above picture because The Housemate complained the other day that I draw him too short.  Because he’s under some delusion that my drawings are lifelike.  Because I and The Best Friends really do look like this:

I’d also like to point out that there is nothing wrong with being short.  In fact, I prefer shortness to tallness.  All the best people are a little short…  Michael J Fox, Tom Hollander, Cory English…  presumably others…

In fact in fact, the only person I can think of who I like and is over six foot is Colin Firth and I haven't forgiven him for Dorian Gray yet.

Oh, and James Stewart, but y’know, who doesn’t like James Stewart?

3. I have recently finished watching the season ones of these TV shows:

My Name Is Earl
Quantum Leap

They are all fantastic so please rush off and watch them.  They’re clever, well-written first seasons, genuine laugh-out-loud stuff (obviously My Name Is Earl more because it’s a sitcom, whereas Quantum Leap and Angel are dramas (although Angel is the funniest drama I’ve maybe ever seen)), and all three are about people helping others, so there’s a nice warm fuzzy feeling when you’re done.

However, the episode ‘Hero’ of Angel is so sad I nearly puked from crying so much, so watch out for that.

And in dreams…

Last night I dreamt I got engaged to Tony Stark and my engagement ring was one of those tacky mood rings from the 70s.


So, if this post seemed a little weak to you, then it’s not my fault…

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